Eph 4:26-27 NIV
“In your anger do not sin”; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
This well-known verse feels very apt at the moment. Not because of some deep-seated anger issues or because some grave sin has popped up. Rather, here in this new world of cooped up isolation and physical distance from friends, family and co-workers, I’ve found that I need to remind myself not to give the devil a foothold.
In this section of Ephesians (4:17-32) Paul is describing what the new person should look like, the person who’s been united to Christ and is now part of his body. There are a number of challenges in these verses and many of them relate to the way we treat one another. We might be forgiven for thinking that not seeing people will make it easier for us to fulfil the commands in a passage like this one, and yet, one of the reasons God gives us other Christians to walk alongside us is to help us live Godly lives. As two pastors have said:
“Being involved with people is time consuming, messy, and complicated. From our point of view it is inefficient, but from God’s point of view it is the best way to encourage growth in grace.”
That means when we are apart from others we actually need to work harder on our Christian discipline. This is true in all areas, but perhaps especially in how we treat one another. You see, the way we treat others is an outworking of our own hearts. When others are at a distance there are fewer checks on the way we really feel about each other. Our besetting sins and attitudes can easily develop into bitterness, suspicion, jealousy or rage. We much more easily interpret silence for indifference, or even opposition. And that makes it all the more vital that we check our hearts.
Check your heart
How are you currently feeling about those at a distance (your family, church family or co-workers)? Are you feeling bitter, let down, that they’re not putting their weight or are meddling? Are they unreasonable, overly competitive or speaking out of their place? If so, check your own heart. Could it be your underlying grievances or besetting sins are shifting the way you are seeing those people? is the echo-chamber of your heart allowing your sin can taint your perspective of others?
Take note of the way your own sin can affect your relationships at the moment. For example, if you struggle with needing to be liked, do you resent others getting positive attention from the boss? Or when what you do doesn’t get noticed?
If you struggle with self-sufficiency, are you trying to be the saviour? Do you still struggle to say no? Are you frustrated that you can’t do everything? Do you see peoples offer of help as a threat rather than a gift?
If you long to be in control, have you become overbearing or micromanaging? Does it feel like others are undermining you? Or that things would be better if you could just did it all?
If you struggle with idolising rest, do you resent it when more work comes your way?
Of course this isn’t an exhaustive list, simply the product of a few minutes thinking. But the point is that the sins of our heart really do affect the way we see others. And if we allow ourselves to believe and act on those things we give the devil a foothold and risk damaging relationships- in the case of church, the very relationships we need most. So what do we do?
Find the root
If we are finding ourselves thinking this way then by God’s grace we have an opportunity to change to become more like Christ. The Lord is showing us an area where we love something else above him – an idol. Now, of course it’s possible that somebody may actually be in the wrong, but even in those cases our attitude may well expose something of our heart.
The biblical counsellor David Powlison has written offers some hugely helpful questions that can help us identify the idols we may be facing.
What do I worry about most?
What, if I failed or lost it, would cause me to feel that I did not even want to live?
What do I use to comfort myself when things go bad or get difficult?
What do I do to cope? What are my release valves? What do I do to feel better?
What preoccupies me? What do I daydream about?
What makes me feel the most self-worth? Of what am I the proudest? For what do I want to be known?
What do I lead with in conversations?
Early on what do I want to make sure that people know about me?
What prayer, unanswered, would make me seriously think about turning away from God?
What do I really want and expect out of life? What would really make me happy? What is my hope for the future?
If you found these helpful, you can find the full list of 35 questions here. But don’t stop there. Asking and answers these questions must be part of a journey that brings your back to Christ.
Expose it to the light of Christ
Someone once said “for every 1 look at yourself, take 10 looks at Christ.” It’s vital to see our heart idols and to know that they are there. But we want them gone, we don’t want to give the devil a foothold.
For every 1 look at yourself, take 10 looks at Christ.
The only way of dealing with our idols is to see something more beautiful. To see the promises of God as better than the promises of whatever we struggle with. So if I struggle with an idol of looking for my security in others, I need to go back to the scriptures and see the unshakeable security I have in Christ. And as I do that I will find myself love in Christ more and resenting my friends, family and co-workers less. During this time of such change and uncertainty, I pray that each of you would know more deeply the deep foundations of the gospel, even as you bring your idols back to the cross to see your Saviour again.
